No-one Special (jedi_kenobi_) wrote in razortag,
No-one Special

I can seriously feel myself getting sicker and sicker. For the last few weeks I have become obsessed even more than usual with calorie intake and what the scale says. Obsessed with looking at myself in the mirror to see if anymore cheekbone is visible than before..

I havnt posted here in a while.. But I think Im going to start again. There dosnt seam to be many ppl around which is about the same as last time I started posting heaps.

Im very very poor, and people at course keep buying me food! Its so nice I want to cry, they shouldnt buy me things, its their money, they deserve it not me. Ive even been forced by tutors to take their money to buy food. I almost feel like a whore when that happens. They wave $20 at me and urge "take it!!"

Dispite not being able to afford alot of food, I restrict myself harshly anyway. a normal person in my situation would probably buy somthing cheap and sustaining to see them through the week, like rice.. I am obsessed tho with calories and sometimes it scares me.. Here I am lucky to be able to afford to eat on certain days - and Im choosing foods that only have 20 or 40cals in them.. People buying me food say thats not enough, take somthing else, and I feel so bad for doing so. "here have a pie, you need to eat _somthing_" Ordinarily Id be glad with _only_ eating a pie in a day. But now Im stating to feel disgusted, that those 300cals a day are too many.

I think starting to write in my community here again will do some good :) Obviously its hard to talk about these things to outsiders who dont understand. "you DONT have a weight problem!!! so just stop it!!" yeah, they dont see what I realy look like do they. No

Peace out
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