I havnt posted here in a while.. But I think Im going to start again. There dosnt seam to be many ppl around which is about the same as last time I started posting heaps.
Im very very poor, and people at course keep buying me food! Its so nice I want to cry, they shouldnt buy me things, its their money, they deserve it not me. Ive even been forced by tutors to take their money to buy food. I almost feel like a whore when that happens. They wave $20 at me and urge "take it!!"
Dispite not being able to afford alot of food, I restrict myself harshly anyway. a normal person in my situation would probably buy somthing cheap and sustaining to see them through the week, like rice.. I am obsessed tho with calories and sometimes it scares me.. Here I am lucky to be able to afford to eat on certain days - and Im choosing foods that only have 20 or 40cals in them.. People buying me food say thats not enough, take somthing else, and I feel so bad for doing so. "here have a pie, you need to eat _somthing_" Ordinarily Id be glad with _only_ eating a pie in a day. But now Im stating to feel disgusted, that those 300cals a day are too many.
I think starting to write in my community here again will do some good :) Obviously its hard to talk about these things to outsiders who dont understand. "you DONT have a weight problem!!! so just stop it!!" yeah, they dont see what I realy look like do they. No